Once you abuse your wife, Jesus is disrespected and rejected by you (Ephesians 5:21). You are no longer in a godly or biblical covenant with her (Ephesians 5:25-33). God will no longer hear your prayers (1 Peter 3:7).
So we’re all clear, abuse is a pattern of behavior or incidents that are controlling, coercive, threatening, degrading and violent, including sexual violence, Coercive control (a pattern of intimidation, degradation, isolation and control with the use or threat of physical or sexual violence), Verbal abuse, Psychological and/or emotional abuse, Physical or sexual abuse, Spiritual abuse, Financial or economic abuse, Harassment and stalking, Adultery — physical or emotional, online or in person.
Don’t expect to be fixed by her loving you more, submitting more, giving you more sex, or praying more for you to change. You are responsible for your behavior, and God did not assign your wife to save you, that’s Jesus’ job. It’s entirely up to your free will of choice to repent and do the work. And don’t confuse her forgiveness with tolerance…forgiveness doesn’t mean she’s unaware or unwise, it doesn’t mean that she’s fooled or foolish, it doesn’t mean you’ve changed. Forgiveness means she’s entrusted you to God and released herself from the burden of unforgiveness.
And let’s be clear, incase an abuser friendly or uninformed pastor told you otherwise your wife should not ever attend marital counseling to fix your abusive behavior. She is not responsible for your abuse. Abuse is a behavioral problem not a marriage problem. Not unless or until your behavior has been successfully counseled by a Domestic Abuse informed professional and change is evidenced by consistent behavior not words, are you safe to even be in a relationship with.
She doesn’t owe you her life, she did not say “I Do” to being abused, and God did not ordain marriage for her destruction. It is impossible for her to honor God and tolerate your abuse your behavior is evil, wicked, unholy and unqualified for God’s daughter. Your behavior is worse than an unbeliever: “But those who won’t care for their relatives, especially those in their own household, have denied the true faith. Such people are worse than unbelievers” (1 Timothy 5:8).
God commanded her to have nothing to do with anyone who is wicked, dark or abusive in any way, including you: “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14, 2 Timothy 3:1-5, Matthew 7:6, Titus 3:10, Romans 1:28-32). You departed the faith through your behavior, and you abandoned her, your children and the marriage covenant through abuse. Your departure from her, whether physical, emotion or spiritual, is her biblical way out of a relationship with you (1 Corinthians 7:15).
You are outside of the will and plan of God for her life: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11). As long as you choose to abuse, you choose to lose. And no, a broken home is not worse than her being broken in her home. And yes, when you abuse the mother of your children, you abuse your children by default. She isn’t wrong for leaving you…she’s right for turning over tables when her temple is being abused. You don’t have God’s approval just because you have a title — the title of husband comes with clear, biblical, marital covenant responsibilities and requirements which forbid abuse of any kind (Ephesians 5:25-23)…and spell out the Godly requirements for a man to have and keep a wife. The wages of sin is death, not a wife (Romans 6:23, James 1:13-15). Get right or get removed. Full stop.
Carry On!
Article: Patrick Weaver Ministries
